I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
