please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
