she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
