what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
