So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
