We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
