if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
