Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize