we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
