you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
