And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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