dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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