We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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