WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
