If you die in college, do you die in real life?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
