i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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