I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
