hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We need to rekindle our bromance
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
