Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can't turn off my feet"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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