You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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