He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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