The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
