I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
