So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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