I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
