And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i drank out of a bidet.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
