I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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