I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
