I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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