i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
