She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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