and i looked up. we had an audience...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
