someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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