i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
