All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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