I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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