Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
