i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
