Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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