I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
