Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
