Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
