A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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