My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We need a shit load of segways right now
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
