you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
