And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
