i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
