the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
you never un-have a 4some
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
