I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
