When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
