i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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