Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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