True but thats because hes a fetus.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
